When everyone around you seems to be coupling up, the temptation to do the same can be strong, especially with every drugstore in America broadcasting that Valentine’s Day is around the corner.
But if you don’t actually want to be in a relationship right now—maybe you’re getting over a tough breakup or working on some things before you get involved with someone new—stay strong! We’re here to help you outsource the good parts of being in a relationship while maintaining that sweet, sweet single life that lets you order from the same Thai place five nights in a row with no one there to complain.
1. Up your hygge game
Who says twinkle lights have to come down January 1st? Twinkle that shit all year round, or at least until June. While you’re at it, light a few candles, tuck your sweatpants into some ultra-thick knit socks, and pour yourself a handcrafted mug of hot chocolate. Top it all off with a good old fashioned Great British Bake Off binge, and you might just have yourself the most romantic date night of your life.
2. Get that money, honey
Time to channel your inner Martha. That’s Martha Stewart, not Commander Waterford’s Martha (though Rita does make a killer smoothie and SPOILER ALERT run an underground railroad—why what’d you do last night?). Anyway, the point is, it’s time to open that Etsy shop you’ve been putting off to sell your famous needle-felted cat hair finger puppets. You’ll feel so accomplished, and your floor will be so clean.
3. Stock up on sex toys
More reliable than any sexual partner we’ve ever had and cuter than some of them too. They’re always there when you need them, they never finish too soon (as long as you keep them charged), and they’re always ready for round two. Just don’t forget to woo yourself. Light a candle, give yourself a foot massage, put on some sexy music (no judgment, this could be the Spice Girls, you do you), and take your time, as always.
4. Get a weighted blanket
These fellas are alleged to reduce anxiety and stress and improve sleep. Basically they make you feel like you’re being hugged and snuggled all at once and they lull you into a relaxed, dopey mindset similar to what you’d experience in the early stages of a relationship.
5. If all else fails, think long and hard about your ex
It may be dark and cold outside, but is it as dark and cold as your ex’s heart? Didn’t think so.
P.S. Did you know that in some states, pharmacists can prescribe birth control? Find out more.